Many of the individuals and couples that come to me are desperately seeking relief from their pain, frustrations, loneliness, or despair. Whether the problem is identified as they don’t communicate, lack of intimacy or other unresolved differences, their experience of their relationship has fallen short of their hopes, dreams, and expectations. Efforts to change these disappointments have been futile and aggravate these situations further with endless disputes or painful silence.
People often select a relationship expert with hopes that this professional will be smart enough and strong enough to challenge their partner to change some of their unacceptable behaviors and therefore put a stop to the endless suffering.
Rather than focus on who’s to blame for all the pain and suffering, I redirect couples to the solutions where they have the power to change their relationships; from within themselves. My work focuses more on helping each partner to find their courage to confront the challenging problems that have resulted in their negative view of their partners, their marriage, or of themselves. This typically requires each partner to look deeper within themselves to discover their true potential of who could be in the context of their relationship while honoring their own unique needs and desires.
My interventions are based on the health model with the premise that each individual is striving to do the best they can, given their own set of developmental skills from their life experiences. The conflicts, power struggles, and betrayals that occur between two people begin to make perfect sense when it becomes clearer how much of their full potential is untapped. It isn’t a question as to what is going wrong or what needs to be fixed, but rather, who you and your partner are and how to adapt to a more productive method to meet the mutual needs and desires of the relationship.
Make a commitment to yourself
If you choose to work with me and make a significant shift in your life, then you must realize that the approach I use will not be a quick fix or offer clever techniques of how to smooth over or whitewash important issues. It will require you to make a personal commitment to yourself to do the work, allow your truths to emerge, connect with your inner strength, and discover a new self-confidence as you redefine who you are in the context of your relationship.
You can feel more successful
Successful couples find that they begin to operate at a more mature level with each other as the healthier aspects of who they have become more pronounced. Their personal power from their integrity starts to emerge and their interactions are more effective. I see couples essentially “grow up” in the therapy I offer. They begin to access more honest and direct methods to calmly express, with confidence, who they are to their mate and are less willing to resort to actions that only discredit the better part of who they are.
Who Can Benefit
Any two individuals who are committed to their relationship and motivated to improve are appropriate for therapy. A couple does not have to be legally married in order to experience the issues that come up in a relationship and therefore are appropriate.
I also work with individuals who are motivated to change their experience in life even if their partner is not motivated to participate in therapy. In fact, if an individual within a relationship makes significant changes for themselves, it is virtually impossible for their shifts in behavior not to have some sort of impact and potential influence towards the other for changes to occur.
Couples therapy are confidential live video sessions conducted online in the privacy of your own home or office. 90-minute sessions are scheduled during convenient times that work for your busy lives, including weekends. Both partners will be seen together in most instances.
Appointments are scheduled in advance by calling 509-879-4778. Instructions will be given as to how to pay in advance to secure your appointment.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do I decide if a therapist is right for me and my situation?
There are many qualified licensed therapists. Not all of them may specialize in your areas of concern. Do you resonate with what you read on their website? Do they respond to your questions and concerns in a way that evokes your confidence and trust? The years of experience in your area of concern is also a very important factor to consider.
How do I know if I should see a therapist with my partner or individually?
Ask yourself if the issues that keep coming up for you are related to your relationship or with yourself. It is an easy way out to go into therapy and complain about your partner. A therapist would not be doing you any good if they allowed that to continue, or in some way encouraged you to leave your partner (unless domestic violence was the concern). A solid relationship in the home can do wonders to improve your state of being. With that being said, if your issue is independent of your relationship then individual sessions may be appropriate.
How many sessions will I need?
There are a number of factors that will depend on how many sessions will be needed to reach a successful resolution. The nature and depth of the problem is one factor. The length of time the problem has existed is another. And most important of all is your willingness to address the issues in an open and honest manner, along with the readiness to implement changes.
Do you accept my insurance?
I do not accept insurance. I do, however, make it easy for you to submit claims for services received from an out of network provider when sessions conducted meet your insurance company’s criteria for medical necessity. I will provide all of the necessary invoices with the required codes on a monthly basis.
How do video sessions work with couples sessions.
In a similar way that you might have a conversation with your therapist in the office, though the monitor is used for audio and visual communication on a HIPPA compliantI secure online platform. There are no apps to download onto your computer. The locations where the sessions will be held (on both sides of the call) are secluded so as to maintain absolute privacy and confidentiality. There will be times in the session where you would be instructed to stop looking at your monitor and redirect your focus to your partner as I continue to facilitate the interactions.
What Can I Help With?
Stress & Anxiety
Someone to Talk To
Family Member Conflict
Job Loss or Change
Depression is often conceptualized as a medical condition and is typically treated by M.D.s with medication. Medications may be effective in treating the symptoms of depression though unless contributing factors that you can control are not addressed that medicine may be needed to control the condition for the rest of your life. If you choose to take medication, the best way to increase results for lasting change is by taking more responsibility for how you use your brain, feel in your body, and take action in your day.
If you take a different approach to how you conceptualize depression and consider it as a state of mind that impacts moods it becomes a more manageable problem to address. If you exercise your diligence to make different choices in the thoughts you entertain, the corresponding emotions will change. If you exercise your courage to make different choices in the habitual actions you take during the day, your experiences of the day will change. Diet, exercise, social activity, sleep can all have positive or negative effects on your moods. Depression is not just a mood that is driven by hormones alone. Chemicals that impact the Neurotransmitters in the brain are influenced by how we think just as much as the neurotransmitters influence our thoughts and emotions.
Irregular Sleep Cycles
Unexpected Mood Swings
Sex & Intimacy
To effectively address the problem of addiction it is essential to deal with issue at a deeper level than simply the substance or the addictive behavior. Habits formed originally because there was a need or a desire for something to take care of our stress or pain. So when attending to breaking any undesirable habit it is important to realize what has been a driving force that allowed the addiction to form in the first place.
Some necessary steps in the process of change/recovery is first hand awareness of the problem, the desire to change, the courage to honesty investigate, explore, and confront the truth about the addictive pattern and the underlying contributing factors. Once those steps have been taken, it is important to establish accountability for making changes in daily behavior for yourself. Social support systems are very helpful for maintaining accountability. In some cases, a more intensive out-patient or in-patient treatment may be warranted.
Regardless of whether it is an externalized chemical source that the brain adapts to causing the addiction or an externalized stimulus that activates the natural chemicals in the body, these addictions can become very destructive when they take control of your life.
People are often unaware of how these substances or behaviors begin to take hold of them. In the beginning, they may seem enjoyable and rewarding experiences, and maybe even an expansion of your social circle. When thoughts and emotions become fixated on the addictive behavior, other aspects of life begin to be compromised. These compromises take place when decisions are made to support the habitual behavior patterns at the cost of personal relationships and occupations. The values that were once placed on primary relationships, family, or other meaningful activities start to erode and a shift to a self-centered and singular focus emerges. As the activities surrounding the addiction progress over time the quantity, duration, and frequency increases which has a direct inverse effect on what use to hold value. When these things are finally recognized by the addicted individual, it is often after they have lost their sense of control to the addiction.
Even seemingly benign habits and tendencies may be acceptable for one but intolerable for others and that is when the damage occurs in relationships.
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